Yes, another top 10 for all of you eager readers. Which is about...4 of you. I'm not sure, cuz I don't know who reads this and who doesn't. Anyways, this top 10 is all about wake ups. The worst ones.
Now how does something make its way on this list? Well first of all, you'd have to really hate to wake up like this. Secondly, it has to be realistic. In other words, I've seen it happen before, or it is very likely that someone could do it. So no slamming blue whales on sleeping people.
Ready steady go!!!
10) Sheets taken off
Now this one I'm sure most of you are familiar with. It's Monday morning, and you have to go to school. You stayed up until 1 AM and you really want your sleep. Your mom/dad have other plans. OFF GO THE SHEETS. Now the morning chill starts to sink deep until it hits your bones and freezes them to super...cold...things. And then you wake up and realize you're freezing your ass off. Cold wakeups...ugh. They're the worst. Actually they're the 10th worst.
9) Fart in the face
Just thinking of this made me cringe. But I had to put it. I know this has happened before because I actually read it on FML. Except the dude accidentally pooped on the guy's face. But let's not go there. Ever had the feeling of waking up to the aroma of a good breakfast (bacon, sausage, egg, pancakes)? It's kinda like that, except it's not breakfast, and it'll give you lung damage. Well, if it's bad enough.
8) Whipped cream and feather scenario
Classic. We've all seen this in movies and videos. A guy puts whipped cream on his friend's hand while he's sleeping. Then he tickles his face with a feather so he'll scratch it. But when his hand hits his face, he gets a mouthful of white stuff (I know some of you thought of something dirty just now). This is indeed a bad way to wake up, but why isn't it higher on the list? Because you can eat whipped cream. Win.
7) Ice cold water
My mom did this to me once. It sucked. But I never learned my lesson. So if it's not so bad that you didn't learn from it, it's probably #7. Try to imagine every molecule in your body suddenly contracting to a size 10 times smaller. And then they all blow up. And then the same molecules start having seizures, causing you to shiver your way out of bed. Then every dream you had just shattered into a million pieces, and those pieces were obliterated to dust. And that's what it's like. Now what's worse than that...?
6) Hot water
...Try HOT water. It's bad enough that your skin starts to freeze over when you get a cold water splash, but it's even worse when you get burns from a heated super shower of hell. This one is guaranteed to get someone out of bed - and probably into the bathroom to dunk their body in the toilet.
5) Body slam
Anything physically damaging should probably be on the top 5. This is no exception. I don't think anyone would want to wake up because they can't breathe. Not to mention the risk of fracturing or breaking bones. Especially if the one who's doing the slamming is me. Heh heh. If anything, this will teach you to wake up and be on time, no matter how tired you are.
4) Bed flipped
If there's someone strong enough, or a group of people willing to do the task, they can probably turn your mattress upside down - with you on it. I mean would you rather have a guy slam on you or gravity smite you? And if you live with hardwood flooring, you're effed.
3) Spiders dumped on bed
This one is on MY personal top 10 worst ways to wake up. At position #1. Because I hate spiders. If your friends/family are dicks enough to put spiders in your bed, your enemies must be HELL. Would YOU like to wake up with a spider's hairy leg in your mouth? Or even worse, the whole spider in your mouth? And if that's not waking you up, the spider bites will. Good luck dealing with all the great bumps and bruises. Oh, I almost forgot to mention: you'll probably be traumatized for at least 4 hours, if you're like me.
2) Chainsaw wakeup
I actually have a link to a Youtube video with this. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XNL7B22MVM
There's nothing to say. I mean, just look at the video. That's where I got the idea to put this on spot #2. The guy isn't even pissed waking up. He's so traumatized that he keeps yelling "GOOD MORNING" over and over again. But seriously, don't EVER do this to someone who just finished watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
1) Firecracker
Firecrackers are loud, they're bright, and they can cause lots of pain. This definitely takes #1 on this list. I saw two places where this was used. One was a Youtube video that doesn't exist anymore. The other was in the Jackass movie. In the Youtube video, this guy puts a HUGE firecracker under a napping friend's hammock. He lights it up. For fuck's sake, you'd think the dude was having a seizure trying to get out of the hammock and away from the firecracker. After it was over, even some skin off his toe was burned. Ow. The Jackass version was even funnier though (for me, not for the sleeping people). They first put it in the bedroom and it was loud, bright, and super annoying to them. Then, the sleeping dude got up later in the morning to go to work, where the Jackass guys had even MORE firecrackers waiting for him in his car. He get's in, and they light up. MAN. That wasn't really a wake up, but it was hilarious. There are a lot of videos with firecracker wakeups, so if you want to see what it's like, go look em up. And yes, firecrackers are guaranteed to get most people up. And I say most, because there are rare people that sleep through hurricanes.
No comments:
Post a Comment